I read from an article written by Umm Zakiyyah. She wrote,
” Suffering is not the same as sacrifice, Know yourself, Know your Limits, Draw the line”.
“You cannot give of a self that does not exist. Thus self-care and self-preservation must be essential to your life, If you wish to truly give of yourself to others. You cannot give charity from wealth that does not encompass your possessions, and you cannot give from a spirit that does not encompass your being. So invest in your emotional, Physical and Spiritual wealth. You can only spend from what you have”.—Do I have the right to Exist?(From the Journal Umm Zakiyyah).
I reverted back to Islam a year before I was admitted into college. So my First year in college, I would say, was the year I took Islam seriously. I thought, New school – New religion – New life. Perhaps a New begining. Who knew what awaited me?
Confidence, I thought I had. Strenght, I thought I possessed.
I’d say to myself, I can stand on my own and make decisions for myself. Who knew I was wrong.
I followed what others wanted. I knew not myself anymore. Moving towards the Deen, I tried to attend the Masjid in school and also cover my hair. I thought doing those two things, I had knowledge of the Deen and need not more. Alas, I was wrong.
During my second year in college. A Muslim society I attended appointed me as an Executive but I couldn’t act as one because I knew not myself; I thought the position wasn’t for people like me. So, little by little, I got lost in the Deen. I started giving up on myself, on my studies. I changed towards people, some who thought the religion changed me.
Searching for inspirational quotes on social media and applying them to my life became my thing. I thought If I applied them to my life, things would get better. But Nay, I was wrong.
I came across a particular Hadith,
Narrated by Abu Huraira; The Prophet (pbuh) said “Religion is very easy and whoever overburden himself in his religion will not be able to continue that way, so you should not be extremist, but try to be near perfection and receive the good tidings that you will be rewarded; and gain strength by worshipping in the mornings, the nights. (Sahih Bukhari, Volume 1, Book 2, Hadith 38).
And that moment, I realised I had overburdened myself with my religion; I wanted to give of a spirit that doesn’t encompass my being.
I realised that even if I died because I was lost, I wasn’t ready to meet my Lord because of my deeds.
Umm Zakiyyah said,
“When you feel overburdened “
Clear the clutter
Get back to the basis
Remove the excess baggage
And carry only the burdens
Your Lord has given you.
And that was what I did, and I am grateful to my Lord for the guidance He bestowed upon me.
…….and whoever I become, I hope He’s pleased with me.
Author: Habibat Adewole