Life would throw me down on my feet, forcing me to my knees. I would often feel the pain soar through my veins. And I would cry and grieve for days, screaming so loud in my head, only for the world to be ignorant to my tears.
My eyes would, sometimes, hurt from crying and my heart from trying. I would look so tired and worn out because, inside I was dying – slowly but surely.
.
Every little thing life threw at me, no matter how little a disappointment it was, I would break into tiny shards of unfixable pieces. I had never realized where I went wrong or why I went through all I went through, even though, I had always questioned myself where I had failed. Answers were never forthcoming.
Until one day…
One beautiful yet sad day, I came across this verse of the Qur’an that changed my life forever…
الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَتَطْمَئِنُّ قُلُوبُهُمْ بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ ۗ أَلَا بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُ
(Interpretation of the meaning)
“Those who believe and whose hearts find comfort in the remembrance of Allah. Surely, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find comfort”
(Surah Al-Ra’d, Verse 28).
Could it be that I had been seeking comfort in the wrong things? Would my state of mind be different if I turned to the book of Allah? I pondered, but not for long; I needed to find out for I was that desperate for peace.
So I read, again and again and I found in it, a beautiful meaning. In deed, it was a moment of change.
An incomplete change…
Yes, my peace was still incomplete. One day, out of no where, it came to me. My heart broadened, my sight sharpened and my vision cleared of any haze. Indeed, I did a lot of dhikr, lots of it, and I believed in Allah without a speck of doubt, but I was doing something wrong in every sense of the word.
I was broken, a lot, but I sought refuge at the wrong places. I sought healing at the feet of those that broke me. It was a drawback, a major one, but I was oblivious to it. I came through always thinking that those particular people were whom my happiness lied with, that those were the people that made me happy and kept me going.
But really were they? Nay!
So it was, that despite my ignorance, Al-wadood (the loving one), made me pick up the Qur’an, on that sunny afternoon and open to Surah al-Ra’d, and He showed me the verse that was the answer I had been searching for all along.
On that beautiful day, I came to the realization that Allah is the answer, that no matter what happened in the dunya, I am never to turn to the creations, rather than the Creator.
Finally, I can see how silly it is that we humans seek refuge and healing in our fellow humans, when they break too. Isn’t that the duty of Allah, the One Who created the heart?
If you ever find yourself in doubt, then stop and remind yourself that it was that same Allah that reunited Musa (alayhis-salaam) with his mother to suckle him after she had dropped him in the sea.
It was that same Allah that took away the wealth, health, sustenance and fame of prophet Ayoub (alayhis-salaam) that He may teach him patience, and then restored back to him (alayhis-salaam) all he had lost.
This same Allah, azza wa jal, made me realize that within me lies my place of refuge and not within any of His creation.
The question is; I have found my place of sanctuary in the dunya, will you find yours?
Author: Intisar Abubakar
Editor: Umm Naml
